How prevalent are money issues in relationships? In marriages, financial issues are often cited as one of the leading causes of divorce. To add, according to Fidelity Investments®2024 Couples and Money study, more than 1-in-4 couples identify money as their greatest relationship challenge.
Money fights or heated arguments among couples can be linked to increased debt, financial infidelity or secret accounts, and frustrations about how money is spent. It can wreak and ruin the overall outcomes of relationships including the longevity, satisfaction, and quality in general.
3 key contributors to lack of financial harmony:
Lack of money talks
Lack of financial conversations can be a big contributor to conflict and a barrier to financial health. Research from former professor of Applied Human Services at Kansas State University, Sonya Lutter, found that wives of heterosexual couples reported money conflicts when there is a lack of communication.
Without healthy communication it's nearly impossible for couples to come to an agreement pertaining to their financial goals and to implement effective decision making, such as with investment strategies, estate planning, or retirement planning.
They may even miss red-flags relating to their lifestyle expectations—27% of couples admit to being often frustrated by their partner’s money habits and 47% worry about making enough money to support the lifestyle they want.1
This conflict could cause someone to feel that their perspectives are being ignored or challenged, cause them to hold more tightly to their views with little room for compromise, and to reject open dialogue altogether.
Lack of money values
Neglecting money conversations can bring tension that can be a result of not being in agreement about money values. It can happen to couples regardless of their income level and may not go away even if there's an increase in money or assets.
Such conflict is typical when there are competing priorities or differing values pertaining to saving, spending, and investing.1 This is because everyone is raised differently resulting in different values, priorities, and ideas about what's acceptable and what's not when it comes to spending. Some people grew up being privy to having healthy money conversations, and some didn't. There are some whose upbringing contributed to their value of financial success, and some who experienced financial difficulty. There are also some people who have good money management skills, while others don't. Money values or the lack the of, can play a critical role in money beliefs and spending behaviors.
Our views and values can make money a deeply personal, intimate, and emotionally charged topic.
Money is a direct source that's correlated with livelihood and the financial wellbeing of relationships. Still, more than one third of couples report disagreements on their major financial goals.1
Lack of balance
Money imbalance can look like a number of things. For example, one partner keeping cash hidden from the other, or secret accounts. It could also be one partner making large purchases without the other's knowledge. Similarly, 20% of couples would rather tolerate mistrust than to be alone, while more than 25% disclosed that while they're often frustrated by their partners poor spending habits, they let it go for the sake of keeping the peace.1
Not knowing how much income their partner makes, or even one making more than other could also be seen as a lack of balanced. Research by Sonya Lutter, also found that when the husband makes more than the wife, the arguments were less, but when a woman makes more, arguments increased, regardless of net worth. This could potentially lead one partner to feeling less valuable or feelings of inadequacy. It could even contribute the higher earner to feeling they have more control in the relationship or the lesser earner feeling resentment.
Many contentious situations could arise from lack of balance, even more serious ones where money is used as a manipulation tool.