Division of labor is a critical part of every partnership. But when it comes to marriage and finances, that division can become a disconnect. Fidelity’s most recent “Couples & Money” study1 found that more than one-third of spouses don’t know what their partner earns, while over half don’t agree on how much they need to save for retirement. And only about half of couples said they planned together for their financial future.
Those findings ring true for Lauren Fabry, a vice president and wealth planner with Fidelity who is based in Plano, Texas. “For about 80% of the couples I work with, one is far more interested and involved in the finances than the other,” Fabry says.
It isn't necessarily a problem for one person in a couple to be more engaged than the other in money matters, explains Fabry, and it’s normal for one to take the lead in a certain area. “I have found that is not uncommon that one spouse is more focused on the investment strategy while the other spouse has a better handle on the household finances and budgeting," Fabry says. What is a problem, she emphasizes, is when one partner lacks a certain base of understanding. That can make it hard to plan for the future, especially during critical transitions like retirement or navigating a health crisis. It can also potentially lead to anger or resentment about spending and other financial decisions.
Regardless of whether you consider yourself a driver or a passenger in your family’s financial journey, here are 5 things you should know about your spouses’ money.
Your spouse’s money—5 things to know
1. Your joint net worth. “In my initial meetings with couples, the goal is to create a net worth statement,” Fabry says. As a complete financial snapshot—assets minus liabilities—the net worth statement can provide both of you with a quick understanding of what investment accounts exist and how much is in each, as well as real estate and business interests, and liabilities. “The financial plan will focus on income less expenses which equal net cash flows—either negative or positive,” she explains. It also assures full transparency. While keeping one spouse in the dark isn’t necessarily indicative of financial infidelity, that shared knowledge can increase trust, security, and unity in a relationship.
2. Their long-term priorities. What does financial success look like for each of you? When and where do you hope to retire? Aligning on your goals doesn’t mean agreeing on every detail. In her practice, Fabry has found that many couples don’t share the same vision, particularly around retirement plans and timelines. But knowing where each person stands can help you build a shared strategy and make smarter choices. “Couples often assume they’re on the same page only to find out later that their visions differ,” she says.
Another area where couples often don’t align is risk tolerance, says Fabry. Fidelity’s study found that 47% of couples disagree about how much risk they should be taking on. Having a certain amount of difference in risk tolerance often doesn’t have a substantial impact on a well-diversified asset allocation, Fabry says. But understanding each person’s feelings helps her create a plan with enough protection and emergency funds so both partners can sleep at night, reducing the chances of emotional decision-making when markets are uncertain and the potential for blame during market downturns.
3. Where to find key information. If something happened to your partner tomorrow, would you know where to find all the important documents? “Too often, it’s when one spouse passes away that the lack of engagement becomes a really big problem,” says Fabry. Being able to locate bank accounts, insurance policies, investment statements, and estate planning documents is vital, and both partners should know the names of institutions, account numbers, passwords, where physical documents are located, and how to access digital accounts. Creating a shared financial document with key information or using a secure online vault can streamline the information-sharing process.
4. How they would want you to make decisions on their behalf. Couples should know each other’s wishes for medical treatment, long-term care, and financial management—especially if one becomes incapacitated. That means having up-to-date legal documents in place: durable power of attorney, health care proxies, living wills, and clear instructions on how bills and accounts should be handled. You should also understand who is named beneficiaries on each other’s accounts and make sure that information is up to date.
5. Who to call for help. If you’re struggling to engage your spouse in financial conversations, you may want to consider seeking the help of a financial professional. Even if your partner doesn’t want to attend regular meetings, “just make the introduction,” says Fabry. “When there’s a name, a face, and a phone number, you know your partner won’t be left scrambling.” Fidelity’s study found that the majority of couples who said they had planning conversations with a financial professional reported feeling confident in their future. “I find that the process of planning really opens these conversations,” says Fabry, “And the end result is more comfort and confidence for everyone.”